Opinion: If You Wanna Live Here so Bad, Hows Come You Got Born in a Differenty Place?

As the immigration debate rages on, many of us are frustrated by a lack of attention to a crucial element of American life. Americans, true Americans like myself, had the good sense to go ahead and get born here. But somehow, all these "refugees" and "asylum seekers" and "people trying to make a better life" for their "families" couldn't be bothered to have that kind of foresight? It doesn't add up.

As an embryo, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and, over nine grueling months, made my way out of the womb and into a not-super-deathy part of the world; honestly, and fairly. I didn't cut corners; I had the sense as a tiny baby American to respect the law and do things right. I have my work ethic to thank for that. It's the same thing my father did, and my grandfather, and his father before him. I'm told the father before that wasn't born here, which I assume means he grew from the ground like a mighty oak, or just sort of spontaneously apparated as the good lord Jesus saw fit.

Personally, I don't put a lot of stock in someone who's not willing to get their hands a little dirty building a time machine to begin their lives anew. If you can't be bothered to crack the fabric of the universe and engineer past circumstances such that you can be rebirthed within the borders of this great nation, well, frankly, you haven't earned what I've earned. I know these days that's not "politically correct" to say, but it's a classic nugget of wisdom, and I for one hold to it.

Stan Granger is a writer, golfer, mulch enthusiast, and literally whatever else he wants to be at any given moment.